Throwing Stones

Recently, life has been crazy.  Events have occured that unfortunately have caused me to be very judgemental and hard hearted.  The past week or so, God has constantly reminded me of the passage found in John 8...
"but Jesus went to the Mount of Olives.
  ² At dawn he appeared again in the temple courts, where all the people gathered around him, and he sat down to teach them. ³ The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group ⁴ and said to Jesus, “Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. ⁵ In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?” ⁶ They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him. 
But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. ⁷ When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” ⁸ Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.
 ⁹ At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. ¹⁰ Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?”
 ¹¹ “No one, sir,” she said.
“Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.”

Those verses that I have read over and over again didn't really "hit" me until this past week...when I realized that I was being a Pharisee.  Even more surprising was that I was throwing stones at my own family. 
God really used this passage to transform my mind.  The day that tragedy hit - I was finished with that person, I was angry...actually I was fuming!  I was ready to cut this person out of my life!  I went to bed that night and suprisingly fell asleep and God gave me the most vivid dream!  It was John 8!  Christ was standing there teaching and suddenly these men bring this woman to Him, telling Him the awful things she had done in her life.  And Jesus says that infamous line "Whoever is without sin, throw the first stone."  And then my dream goes black and then I see myself with a stone in my hand!  I woke up from the dream broken and humbled.  I immediately had to apologize to that family member that I felt bitterness and anger toward even though they had hurt me.

Isn't it funny how we are so quick to judge and point out other people's sin, yet we are hesitant to see our own?!?  It's actually pretty ridiculous!  It's as if we have blinders on when it comes to the issues that we deal with personally.  It is heartbreaking. 

I pray for revelation when it comes to the things that I need to work on in my own life.  I pray for a heart that longs to love those who are living a life of habitual sin.  I pray to be the love of Christ to those who need it most.

If we stand back and actually look at this picture that John so vividly illustrates - this woman is sinking in sin.  She is yearning for love and affection and she has no clue how to find it!  So she settles for finding temporary comfort in the arms of a man.  If Christ wasn't there to show her an everlasting love...a love that can only be found in the arms of our Abba Father...she would have been condemned to death!!!  Instead she was given the amazing gift of forgiveness!!!  A gift that we do not deserve - yet we are slow to forgive?!  It really doesn't make sense does it?

The day after my dream, God also reminded me of a passage that I memorized a few years ago.  Paul wrote, "Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.  Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you."  (Colossians 3:12-13)

I urge you friends, if you are struggling with forgiveness - remember how Christ has forgiven you!  We are so undeserving yet we are forgiven!  When I was praying over this blog when I started it - I wanted to sum my life in one word and God revealed "forgiven."  And it is so true! 

In my Christian counseling class, I have been reading a book called "Discipleship Counseling" and I want to end and share with ya'll a couple of quotes that God revealed to me this past week...

“Forgiveness is a courageous act that reflects the grace of God. Forgiveness is not tolerating sin. God forgives sin, but He does not tolerate sin.”  (Anderson)

“You do not heal in order to forgive; you forgive in order to heal.” (Anderson)

I love ya'll!!!  Hope you have a fabulous week :)

Joyfully His,

Whit

Jehovah Shalom

Almost a month has passed since I've posted and looking back it is insane the roller coaster I have been on the past 3-4 weeks!

So here's the scoop...last time I blogged, I mentioned that school was super stressful yet humbling and how I've learned an immense amount more than I had ever hoped for.  While that was all true, I was still feeling like a complete loser!  I kept asking myself why I was going BACK to school to obtain a SECOND bachelor's degree instead of pursuing a Master's or being content where I was.  And I just felt "blah" about my classes.  Yes I was learning a lot, however my heart wasn't really in them.  Well, the short answer to the question above is simply because God is leading me to!

Here's the long answer! ;)  A few days after I had written my last post I had gotten the news that I was losing my job due to budget cuts.  HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! :(  Well, that just made my state of "blah" to a state of "UGH!"  I mean, I know it wasn't a career for me and it was just temporary until I finish my counseling degree...but I loved that job and I wanted to stay at least a couple of years!  So yeah...I was bummed.

So before this all went down I applied for a teaching position in the same school system.  And I didn't really understand why God led me to apply for it since He's leading me into a different direction but I followed Him.  Nearly 30 people applied for the same teaching position so I'm thinking that I'm not going to get an interview.  Guess what???  I DID!  Here's the kicker...they only chose 9 to actually interview!  So obviously I was humbled by being one of the 9 but more so I was absolutely confused as to why God was making this happen!  So of course, like always, I began to question!  Am I supposed to be going into teaching?  Did I read all of these "signs" wrong and totally make up the Christian Counseling path?  What am I supposed to be doing???  I FELT SO LOST!

So after hours of questioning, the Holy Spirit gently brings me to my senses and directs me to pray.  So I did.  I prayed for confirmation, God's will and PEACE!!!  Oh how I needed peace in my life at that moment!!!

So I go to the interview this past Monday and the first thing they say is "Give us a brief bio and tell us what sets you apart from the other applicants."  So my mind is rushing telling myself this would be the perfect time to give them all of my experiences in the classroom and how I'm passionate about teaching, and really just show them why I am the girl for the position.  But instead I began to talk about my experience in Uganda, and how God has instilled in me a passion and love for people and how I yearn to help people.  And then it hit me...DUH!  It was like God said right there, "THIS is what I created you for!!!  Now quit second guessing my calling and get out there and finish that degree so that I can be glorified through you!"

After I had given my brief bio - that was the instant I felt peace!  And I realized that I am starting a new chapter in my life.  The only thing I have to focus on for the summer is my classes - which I adore by the way - and the rest of my house work (I will update ya' on both of those in another post).

I realized that God has given me a heart to help others.  The one thing I pray for is that I can show the peace of God to everyone I counsel.  That peace that surpasses our own understanding.  That peace that is bringing tears to my eyes as I type this.  I know a time in my life where I had no peace - it was the darkest time in my life.  So dark that I attempted to end my life several times.  I want people to feel the indescribable joy that I felt when I RAN FULL FORCE out of that darkness into the loving arms of my Savior and Redeemer! 

Realizing my passion that God has granted me...a passion for people, a passion to help, a passion to counsel, but most of all a passion for HIM...realizing that passion has given me peace.  I may be unemployed, struggling financially, my home is a construction zone and my dog is the female version of Cujo...but my heart is FULL!  No one and nothing can describe this contentment except for the love and peace of my Abba, my Elohim, my JEHOVAH SHALOM!

I pray that if ya'll are struggling with contentment and peace in your lives, that you just STOP and listen to the Spirit.  He will guide you and direct you.  Stop questioning and just go with God.  You won't regret it!!!

Flaws and All

Okay so I know this is totally off topic from my renovation progress, but this is a topic that I have personally struggled with since high school and that is low self esteem.  Yes I know that I am a strong and independent daughter of the King, I was wonderfully and beautifully created, and that God has put me on this earth for a reason.  However, Satan knows our weaknesses and he uses those to his advantage.  I've lately noticed myself saying "You look gross in that outfit" or "Your hair looks awful," even something as hurtful as "You don't really deserve that."

So, if I know that God has this amazing plan for me and I know that God has blessed me with the knowledge and characteristics that He has given me then why do I constantly "dog" myself and spit out nothing but hurtful words to myself?  Satan knows our weaknesses and he knows exactly how to use those weaknesses to slowly dive into a state of destruction. 

As I was praying this morning and meditating on what God wanted to tell me, He reminded me of His instructions to "Love your neighbor as yourself." (Matthew 22:39)  So how can I love others when I don't even truly love myself?  So God challenged me this morning...He challenged me to simply say kind words to myself, uplifting and encouraging words.  Words that won't harm or hurt me.  So I'm taking on the challenge!  And I will be meditating on this word that God reminded me this afternoon...

"You are altogether beautiful, my darling, beautiful in every way." - Song of Solomon 4:7

So I will be writing that verse along with Matthew 22:39 on several index cards and post them randomly in my home, car, and workplace to constantly remind me that I am beautiful and I am created by my Savior who loves every thing about me...flaws and all :)

To conclude this random thought of mine, I remembered a song by Francesca Battistelli that pretty much sums up this post :)

Until We Meet Again

I said goodbye yesterday to the most precious and beautiful person I know.  It was one of the hardest things I had to do and my heart still aches over it.  Let me just tell you about Suzanne...

I met Suzanne a little over 2 years ago and God used her to change my life!  Suzanne is simply amazing...I have no other words to describe her.  She totally invested her time and energy into my life and for that I am forever grateful.  Looking back, if I had never met her - I wouldn't be where I am today.  She showed me how to love life with all of its joys and trials and more importantly to love my Lord and the scriptures.  She listened to all of my heartaches and daily worries along with my silly stories - let me just tell you that requires LOTS of patience!  I often have a lot to vent about!  But she listened with no complaints.  Suzanne believed in me when no one else did and she stood by me no matter what!  I just cannot explain to you how much this woman taught me and how much she means to me!  I recently read this quote and instantly thought of my dear friend and sister...

No distance of place or lapse of time can lessen the friendship of those who are thoroughly persuaded of each other's worth. – Robert Southey

Even though she is 6 hours away, our friendship will not fade away because I know how special she is and I still love her just as much as I did when she was literally 1 minute away.

So I will conclude with an Irish blessing that I have always loved and I am wishing this for you my wonderful friend and my sister!

"May the road rise up to meet you, may the wind be ever at your back.  May the sun shine warm upon your face and the rain fall softly on your fields.  And until we meet again, may God hold you in the hollow of His hand."

Suzanne, I love you dearly and I'm praying for you always!  Until we meet again my friend!  See you in April!!!!! :) 

Isaiah 41:10

Recently I have had several people request that I start a blog...so here it goes!  I'm not quite sure how this is going to turn out...only time shall tell!

So I've been searching my heart and trying to decide exactly how I was going to start this post - but a dear friend, mentor, and co-worker suggested I tell the story of how I became a follower of the Lord Jesus Christ.  (Thanks Pam Bishop!!!)

Ok…so I grew up in church and knew all about Jesus Christ.  I walked down the aisle during the altar call when I was 8 years old.  I repeated a simple prayer, was baptized, and I thought that was it!  It was just THAT easy!  Yeah right!  Throughout high school I was considered a "good girl" - never drank, did drugs, etc.  I was a friend to everyone I encountered.  So on the outside looking in - I was a great Christian gal.  But on the inside I was falling into the darkness of depression and self-loathing.  I became suicidal a couple of years after high school and even attempted ending my life a couple of times - obviously the grace of God saved me from that or I wouldn't be sitting here typing today.  (Otherwise that would be SUPER creepy!)

When I was 22 years old I finally realized what it meant to die to myself and live for Christ.  I broke down in complete humbleness - literally fell flat on my face and cried out to the Lord God to save me - and I was redeemed on a Sunday night in my super messy and more than likely smelly bedroom. (On a side note – I am no longer the messy slob I once was!  Thankfully God rescued me from that as well J)

Now don't go thinking it was "happy go lucky" after that night - because it was definitely NOT happy nor lucky!  The past 3-4 years have been the hardest years I have ever faced.  Let me just give you a FEW examples J

1.  I discovered my dad was a drug addict/dealer and he was arrested.
2.  My mom was shortly committed into a psych ward after his arrest
3. I went to Uganda on mission for two months ALONE - no family or friends to tag along with me
4. Depression kept creeping in and out of my life 2 years after I gave my life to God.

Don’t worry.  I'm not going to sit here and tell you about all of my troubles the past 4 years - simply because I don't want to sit here and type 1,406,395 examples and I'm sure you don't want to read them!  (By the way I TOTALLY made that number up - for those of you sitting there concerned for my mental health due to the fact that I record every unfortunate event in my life!)

The point is…yes my journey has been extremely difficult yet (here comes the good part!) – there is an amazing God who gives indescribable peace during the difficult and trying times.  Not only did He give me this incredible peace – He equipped me with the strength I needed to get through those crappy times.  There is no explanation other than Christ loves us unconditionally…so much that He took all of our sins and burdens on Himself so that He would be our sacrifice so that we my live eternally.  The love of my God leaves me completely speechless!

So yeah – I can’t really pinpoint exactly what this blog will be about.  I don’t even know if I have a true vision of what it is going to be.  Though I can assure you that it will be random and will be filled with rambling and also more than likely filled with several grammatical errors.  I’m really sorry about that!  So this blog is going to be a journey…sharing my joy and my trials and what God is teaching me through each.  I’m pretty positive there will be random posts as well that will leave you questioning, “Ummm…why did she post this?” J

In conclusion to my very first post – I want to share with you a verse that God has revealed to me several times over the past month.  A verse that quickly became my life verse.

Don’t be afraid, for I am with you.  Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you.  I will hold you up with my victorious right hand. - Isaiah 41:10

Sometimes we are faced with super difficult and trying times, and if you are anything like me – you try to take the “world on your shoulders.”  So take it from someone who knows and who learned after 4 years of life lessons – God is so much more than we deserve and He is more than enough.  Rely on Him, pray constantly, love His Word, cling to Him always, and just trust that the Lord is sovereign and will always be victorious!