Jehovah Shalom

Almost a month has passed since I've posted and looking back it is insane the roller coaster I have been on the past 3-4 weeks!

So here's the scoop...last time I blogged, I mentioned that school was super stressful yet humbling and how I've learned an immense amount more than I had ever hoped for.  While that was all true, I was still feeling like a complete loser!  I kept asking myself why I was going BACK to school to obtain a SECOND bachelor's degree instead of pursuing a Master's or being content where I was.  And I just felt "blah" about my classes.  Yes I was learning a lot, however my heart wasn't really in them.  Well, the short answer to the question above is simply because God is leading me to!

Here's the long answer! ;)  A few days after I had written my last post I had gotten the news that I was losing my job due to budget cuts.  HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! :(  Well, that just made my state of "blah" to a state of "UGH!"  I mean, I know it wasn't a career for me and it was just temporary until I finish my counseling degree...but I loved that job and I wanted to stay at least a couple of years!  So yeah...I was bummed.

So before this all went down I applied for a teaching position in the same school system.  And I didn't really understand why God led me to apply for it since He's leading me into a different direction but I followed Him.  Nearly 30 people applied for the same teaching position so I'm thinking that I'm not going to get an interview.  Guess what???  I DID!  Here's the kicker...they only chose 9 to actually interview!  So obviously I was humbled by being one of the 9 but more so I was absolutely confused as to why God was making this happen!  So of course, like always, I began to question!  Am I supposed to be going into teaching?  Did I read all of these "signs" wrong and totally make up the Christian Counseling path?  What am I supposed to be doing???  I FELT SO LOST!

So after hours of questioning, the Holy Spirit gently brings me to my senses and directs me to pray.  So I did.  I prayed for confirmation, God's will and PEACE!!!  Oh how I needed peace in my life at that moment!!!

So I go to the interview this past Monday and the first thing they say is "Give us a brief bio and tell us what sets you apart from the other applicants."  So my mind is rushing telling myself this would be the perfect time to give them all of my experiences in the classroom and how I'm passionate about teaching, and really just show them why I am the girl for the position.  But instead I began to talk about my experience in Uganda, and how God has instilled in me a passion and love for people and how I yearn to help people.  And then it hit me...DUH!  It was like God said right there, "THIS is what I created you for!!!  Now quit second guessing my calling and get out there and finish that degree so that I can be glorified through you!"

After I had given my brief bio - that was the instant I felt peace!  And I realized that I am starting a new chapter in my life.  The only thing I have to focus on for the summer is my classes - which I adore by the way - and the rest of my house work (I will update ya' on both of those in another post).

I realized that God has given me a heart to help others.  The one thing I pray for is that I can show the peace of God to everyone I counsel.  That peace that surpasses our own understanding.  That peace that is bringing tears to my eyes as I type this.  I know a time in my life where I had no peace - it was the darkest time in my life.  So dark that I attempted to end my life several times.  I want people to feel the indescribable joy that I felt when I RAN FULL FORCE out of that darkness into the loving arms of my Savior and Redeemer! 

Realizing my passion that God has granted me...a passion for people, a passion to help, a passion to counsel, but most of all a passion for HIM...realizing that passion has given me peace.  I may be unemployed, struggling financially, my home is a construction zone and my dog is the female version of Cujo...but my heart is FULL!  No one and nothing can describe this contentment except for the love and peace of my Abba, my Elohim, my JEHOVAH SHALOM!

I pray that if ya'll are struggling with contentment and peace in your lives, that you just STOP and listen to the Spirit.  He will guide you and direct you.  Stop questioning and just go with God.  You won't regret it!!!