Comfortably Uncomfortable

This past year has been difficult. Brandon and I have had a year filled with inconsistency, transitions, emotional struggle, financial struggle, loss, heartache, judgment and hardship. I often ask myself what I would want to change if I could. I always conclude with the same answer-- “absolutely nothing.” Yes, this year has really sucked. However, through it all God has been nothing but faithful. I have watched my husband transform into a godly leader. I have witnessed a supernatural passion enter into both of our lives. I have felt God changing our hearts and desires. We have drastically changed this year! We are not the same people we were this time last year when we were planning our winter wedding. We have different desires, different passions, and different goals for our lives and we are continually changing. This change is empowering and also terrifying.

One of our biggest revelations this year, while reading Radical, is the simple fact that as Christians, we are OBLIGATED to declare the name of Jesus Christ. This is not an option. The apostle Paul writes, “I am obligated both to Greeks and non-Greeks, both to the wise and the foolish. That is why I am so eager to preach the gospel also to you who are in Rome. For I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God that brings salvation to everyone who believes.” (Romans 1:14-16)

So what has this one simple revelation done for us? It has brought us to the realization and conviction that we live for one purpose and that is to share the love and name of Jesus Christ. We are still in the process of developing an eternal perspective. We are praying for ways in which we can bring the gospel to others. We realize that we can no longer seek things that are superficial and temporary but to invest our time and resources for a greater good! We have to be vulnerable, we have to constantly seek growth, we have to desire continual transformation, and here's the kicker...we have to experience discomfort. Of course we all want to grow and transform so that we can become more like Christ, but when we have to sacrifice our comfort and security...that desire to change and grow can quickly fade away and that's when complacency comes and resides within us. We often tend to do what is comfortable. We go to church every week, we help in ministries that we feel called to help in, we tithe, we read an excerpt from Scripture everyday, we pray, etc. It is so easy for us to fall into the trap of doing these things because “that's what good Christians do.”

As believers, we all have our own individual calling. God has specifically designed for us a purpose and has individually chosen us for that purpose. Whether we are called to go overseas and proclaim Christ to an unreached people group, or we are called to pack up our families and move to a different city or state, or we are called to sacrificially and financially give to missions...the underlying truth is the same—we must be willing to step outside of our comfort zones and commit to the continual change that God has in store for us. When writing to the Christians in Thessaloniki, Paul acknowledges their spiritual growth and encourages them to keep growing. He writes, “Finally, dear brothers and sisters, we urge you in the name of the Lord Jesus to live in a way that pleases God, as we have taught you. You live this way already, and we encourage you to do so even more.” (1 Thessalonians 4:1)

Change is hard and at times terrifying. In one of Christine Caine's podcasts she stated, “For every new level, there is a new devil.” She goes on to explain that when we change and grow in Christ, satan tends to attack us at a greater level. We become a threat to his kingdom when we begin to grow and declare the name of Christ more often. The greater we grow in Christ, the larger the pit that satan has prepared for us and it is filled with new levels of deceit, heartache and pain. At times I allow this thought to terrify me. At times I tell myself that I have done a lot of good and that I no longer need to grow. When I think of her statement, I reflect on my past pain and hurt and I don't want to go through anymore trial. I tell myself, “I have had enough hurt in this lifetime, I can't handle anymore.”

BUT...MY GOD! My God goes before me. My God fights my every battle. My God is the great comforter. My God allows us to endure suffering so that we may play a small part in His eternal and glorious plan. This is where the eternal perspective comes into play again...every tear, every cry, every gut wrenching painful experience is NOTHING compared to the glory of Jesus Christ and our eternity with Him! Paul writes, “For our LIGHT and MOMENTARY troubles are achieving for us an ETERNAL GLORY that FAR OUTWEIGHS them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is ETERNAL. (2 Corinthians 4:17-18)

How do we get there? How do we become comfortable in our discomfort? How do we long for nothing else, but to proclaim the name of Jesus Christ to those we encounter. How do we find the willingness to sacrifice anything and everything for the glory of the gospel? I believe that we all get to this point in our own unique way. For me personally, I have not reached this point. However, I have come to the point that I WANT to think about Jesus day and night, I WANT to be able to say “Here I am God, do WHATEVER You need to do with my life...it is Yours;” and I WANT to comfortably uncomfortable.

So I invite you...to follow me along on this journey of what I hope to be radical transformation. I feel like my first step is to find my identity in Christ and to find boldness and confidence in that identity. I have felt led to do this for a month or so now, but I have been waiting for confirmation and for God's timing.

Over the next few months or so I will be writing a “Who Am I?” series on this blog. This series will cause me to be vulnerable, it will be exposing, and at times I may share unsettling thoughts. Why am I doing this? Actually there are several reasons...

1.I feel like God is using my blog to not only help others but to reveal Himself to me in crazy and awesome ways.

2.I am on a journey to discover who I am in Christ and personally, I don't want to keep that to myself...this journey has already been filled with miracles, revelations, and God's goodness...and I want to share that with anyone who wishes to read my blog series. I feel God is calling me to share it.

3.I have realized that I am not alone in this struggle...I received several messages, comments, and e-mails after the post “Who Am I?' and I realize that we go through a lot of the same struggles and temptations, and I realize that God is using my blog in great ways.

The process of growth and purification is always difficult and unsettling. It oftentimes entails loss, heartache and difficulty. BUT, the reward is eternal and the impact has the potential to be GLOBAL! We must remain bold on this journey of faith. We must never think that we have “arrived.” If we ever come to that warped place of arrival we become stagnant and complacent. We must always seek God, be willing to change, and learn to live a life that is comfortably uncomfortable.

What is Your Story?

God has really been moving in my life these past few weeks. In my last post, the Spirit led me to be completely exposed and vulnerable, and over the past week or so I have been pondering on my weaknesses and my struggles. Normally, when I would ponder on such things, I would become discouraged or even disgusted. However, over the past few days, I have embraced them and I have been thankful for them! Early on in my walk with Christ, I was afraid to share such things because I felt shame, or I felt like if I shared my battles then it would make me seem weak, or it would overwhelm those around me. These thoughts led me to be guarded, and I pretended I had it all together because I had Jesus in my life now. Can anyone relate?

 Thanks to my husband's "awesomeness" and his ability to remember passages of Scripture, I've been meditating on 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 today, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will BOAST all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

 Okay, just try to run with me on this. I'm trying to figure out why so many Christians I know struggle with discussing their weaknesses to others. I know it's uncomfortable and uncommon, but as followers of Christs, our lives should include some discomfort as well as radical tendencies. The apostle Paul tells us to BOAST in our weaknesses because through our struggles, the POWER OF CHRIST is revealed! That is ridiculously mind blowing to me! John Piper writes, “The deepest need that you and I have in weakness and adversity is not quick relief, but the well-grounded confidence that what is happening to us is part of the greatest purpose of God in the universe - the glorification of the grace and power of his Son - the grace and power that bore Him to the cross and kept him there until the work of love was done.” You see? Our suffering and our weaknesses have ETERNAL AND SUPERNATURAL PURPOSE! Please just meditate and “chew on that” for a moment.

Our stories of weakness and temporary defeat do two things—they prove that we are human and can do nothing without God and they also reveal His supernatural glory when we share the stories to those we encounter. Does that mean that I go up to random people and say, “Hi! My name is Whitney and I struggle with depression and self-worth.”? Of course not! However, recently God has brought new friends in my life where I have found myself sharing my story early on in our relationship because I could sense similar struggles and the Spirit was leading me to open up and expose my “baggage.” Yes, it is terrifying to open up. Yes, you will have people reject you. Yes, you will feel uncomfortable. But my dear friends, the reward...oh the reward! God will use your story in ways that you can't even imagine! He will use you to encourage, uplift and give hope to the hopeless. Your story has the potential to radically transform a life, simply because your story of pain and weakness reveals the POWER OF CHRIST!

 Maybe you struggle with depression and understand how Satan can consume your mind in times of darkness. Maybe you struggle with addiction and find yourself bound in chains. Maybe you struggle with complacency and enjoying your comfortable lifestyle, afraid to step out in bold faith. Maybe you have issues with anger and bitterness and you have isolated yourself from your friends because in your mind, everyone is wrong. Maybe you have a sex addiction and you can't escape the bondage. Maybe you find your comfort in food instead of God. Whatever, your story is...remember...it's the story that God has written out for you! He allows us to endure these struggles because it allows us to find supernatural empathy, it allows us to encourage those in similar situations, it creates great bonds of friendship, it opens our eyes to the suffering around us! Every second of our suffering has great eternal meaning! Our suffering has a radical purpose! Our suffering is only momentary...until the Lord Jesus has been revealed and has come again! Then my friends, we can say, “Every tear, every rejection, every heartache, every doubt was worth it!” Trust me, it WILL be worth it!

My name is Whitney.  I am a follower of Christ.  I am redeemed and forgiven by His ultimate sacrifice.  I struggle daily with depression as well as finding confidence and discovering my identity in Christ.  What is your story?

"If I must boast, I will boast of the things that show my weakness."--2 Corinthians 11:30

Restoration: A Divine Illustration

Over the past few days I have experienced a great variety of emotions.  On Friday, Brandon and I closed on our very first home!  We felt overwhelmed, excited, joyful, happy, proud and full of hope for our future.  On Sunday, Brandon and I lost part of our precious home to an electrical fire.  Again, we were overwhelmed, but we were also confused, terrified, nervous, anxious, and yet we were still full of hope.

Yes, this is a horrible situation and it has been one of the most difficult trials I have yet to face.  I have wept in my husband’s arms; I have asked the question “Why?” at least a million times; I have felt resentment and anger; and I have felt lost, because currently, I no longer have the security of a home that I can call my own. 

And yet through all of this…a beam of hope shines through.  I find this absolutely amazing!  When I want to throw my hands up in the air and scream “I give up!” and when I want to lay in bed in fetal position and cry until I cannot cry any more…that is when God whispers “I am here, I've got this.  Trust Me.”

I love the passage in Lamentations 3, “When life is heavy and hard to take, go off by yourself.  Enter the silence.  Bow in prayer.  Don’t ask questions: wait for hope to appear.  Don’t run from trouble.  Take it full-face.  The “worst” is never the worst.”  So now I stand, waiting for hope to appear.  As time passes, I am beginning to see God’s hand all over this.

Brandon and I have been given great vision of future ministry and I feel like this situation is a perfect illustration of what’s to come.  As I was speaking with the insurance adjuster, he mentioned the word “restoration.”  And I sat quietly and pondered on that word and what it meant.  Then my mind immediately went to our hopes and dreams of opening our lives to people in desperate situations…in need of hope, redemption, second chances, and restoration.  What an amazing illustration God has provided! 

Elisabeth Elliot writes, “To be a follower of the Crucified means, sooner or later, a personal encounter with the cross.  And the cross always entails loss.  The great symbol of Christianity means sacrifice and no one who calls himself a Christian can evade this stark fact.” (These Strange Ashes)  As I write this, my eyes are filled with tears of hope and joy.  I am extremely blessed!  God has brought us to a season of loss and despair, and has given us this amazing opportunity to cling to the Cross and to cling to Him.  He is reminding us that He is sovereign and that He is glorified – even through situations of despair and heartache.

The next eight weeks will be hard.  It will be a time of instability – lacking resources as well as the comfort and safety of “home.”  I won’t be able to decorate my house for the fall season.  I won’t be able to sit on my screened porch, cuddling with Brandon and watching the leaves change.  I am going to be missing out on so many simple memories that I was longing for during our closing process. 

However, I am excited for new and unexpected memories.  I don’t even know where we will live for the next eight weeks, but we are facing the unknown in the arms of Christ.  And there is nowhere else I would rather be than safe in the arms of my Redeemer.

Damage from the fire - Sunday August 31

Damage from the fire - Sunday August 31

Damage from the fire - Sunday August 31

Our first picture together at our first home - Friday August 29th

“I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty.  I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.” –Philippians 4:12

Reckless Abandon

Over the past year I have been doing a precept study on the book of Acts. Even though at times the study may seem redundant, I have learned a great deal from this study and my passions for missions have been re-ignited and I have been meditating on life in general. So forgive me as this blog post may seem a bit...scattered.

This past week I was studying the passage of Acts 16:11-40. I have personally read this passage several times and I know the story pretty well. For those of you that aren't as familiar...Paul and Silas were imprisoned in Rome shortly after commanding a divination spirit to flee from a young slave girl. They were being beaten and persecuted for bringing “confusion” to the Roman people. And then the kicker...verse 25 comes in and always kicks me in the gut. It reads, “But about midnight, Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns of praise to God...” Let's just stop and imagine this. Imagine...you are a faithful servant of God, being called to evangelize and proclaim the gospel of the Kingdom. You have no doubt that you are in the center of God's will for your life. Then you are beaten and imprisoned for doing the very thing that God has called you to do! In my current state, I feel that I would question God and ask Him “Why?” Why have you called me to this life Lord? Why did this happen? How will I ever proclaim Your name to a lost and dying people if I am locked up in prison? However, Paul and Silas did no such thing. The Bible says they were PRAYING AND SINGING PRAISES. I may be alone in this...but that never ceases to amaze me! Every time I read this passage I sit and stare at this verse for a while.

While reflecting during this reading last week, I just kept asking myself, “How do I get there?” How do I get to the point where I find pure Spirit-filled joy in super crappy situations?

I mean...if I was beaten and imprisoned, I'm not so sure I would be filled with that joy. I do feel like it would come eventually, however I feel like I would dig myself into a pit of despair, confusion and worry. However, my desire is that I do reach the point where I will turn to joy and praise when life feels like it's crashing down all around me. I so DESPERATELY LONG to obtain that spirit of constant joy as well as the ridiculous amount of faith that Paul and Silas illustrated in such a dark time. I want to get to that point...no matter the circumstances...always singing praises to my Redeemer and praying for His almighty strength.

However, I have noticed that God is increasing my awareness of His provision. Maybe this is one of the first steps? For example, I went grocery shopping at Aldi a few days ago and I was looking for a quarter for the shopping cart. I was thinking to myself, “I am NOT going to find a quarter, because I never have cash or change on me.” Well, I found one quarter in my wallet. I immediately thought, “Heck yes! Thank you Jesus!” Then I just sat there for a moment. I came to the realization that there should be absolutely no reason for a quarter to be in my wallet or car because I simply do not keep cash or change. However, every time I pull into that Aldi parking lot, I discover one quarter. And then of course I got teary eyed (because face it...this is ME we are talking about!) just at the mere THOUGHT my Provider – my Jehovah Jireh ALWAYS provides quarters for the shopping cart at Aldi.

Honestly, I pray that I continue to look like a teary-eyed blubbering fool in the Aldi parking lot, because I don't want to lose that awareness and thankfulness. I feel like in this moment God spoke to me and He said, “This is how you will reach that point of radical faith...you grow from this, you realize My provision and love for you and then this awareness will be constant in all situations.”

Okay...now we jump to my second reflection. Let the scatter begin! :)

I have been thinking about my life in general. My past, present, and my future. I have really been struggling with the fact that I have a teaching degree and yet I have to explain to people why I am pursuing a degree in Christian counseling. Trust me, this was NOT my plan at all. Sadly, when I pursued teaching, I pursued it because I was good at it and I had a passion for teaching. I just assumed that God gave me that gift so that I may use it in my profession. However, it was not my personal calling. I discovered what God's calling really looked like when I went to Uganda in 2011. Again, I did NOT want to go to Uganda, I even hated Uganda when I was first there, but my heart began to soften and my eyes were being opened to something greater than I could have ever imagined.

And now here I am...back in school and taking classes online and working in ministry making minimum wage. Last week, satan was putting doubts and shame in my mind. I felt shameful at the fact that I could be teaching and pursuing a great career and instead I am working in part-time ministry making minimum wage. I wanted to financially contribute more to our home and instead I felt like a burden. Oh how satan can bring us down so quickly. It's horrifying to think about when you ponder on it too long.

But after great encouragement from my super awesome husband and my dear friends, as well as sitting in the stillness of God...I was reminded of this quote from Jim Elliot, “Forgive me for being so ordinary while claiming to know so extraordinary a God.” I was longing for an ordinary and “normal” life, but my life has never been normal. It has been hard and difficult and it has NEVER been ordinary or “normal.” For the most part it has been messy, dramatic, and dysfunctional. But through that mess, God's grace is in the midst. He has put me through my specific trials and struggles and then radically transformed for a reason...to bring hope to the hopeless. To be living proof, that God can rescue the “lost causes.”

Elisabeth Elliot writes, “I have one desire now – to live a life of reckless abandon for the Lord putting all of my energy and strength into it.”

And so I come in full circle...at least I think so anyway haha. In order to reach that radical faith that Paul and Silas so greatly illustrate, I have to realize that my life cannot be “ordinary” or “normal” and that I have to live a life of reckless abandon, putting every ounce of energy and strength into my life...a life that has one sole purpose....to glorify God and to share His love and grace to those around me.

So I pray, that I focus on my relationship with my Savior more than any other relationship. I pray that He is always on my mind. I pray that I no longer desire the “normal” or “ordinary.” I pray that, like the disciples, I will be willing to Follow Him where ever He leads, no matter what it costs me...a life of reckless abandon.

The Gift of Struggle: A Season of Hope

2011…a year that changed my life; the year that I went to Uganda and received my calling as a Christian counselor.  It was the year that my passion for ministry was ignited.  It was the year I started praying and begging for a life filled with “spiritual interruptions.”  I prayed for constant discomfort, for trials, and for struggles so that I will be prepared to counsel those in need.  

This morning I reflected on that year…what happened to me?  How did I become the person I am this very instant?  I am a girl who is begging God to take away the trials and struggle; a girl who is longing for comfort and happiness.  I have found that praying for these things have sucked the life and energy out of me, my identity in Christ is fading every day I find myself praying these things. 

            The past few months have been trying to say the least.  I am in a new area, I am still trying to build friendships here, I am trying to learn how to be a godly and virtuous wife, and several other trials have been thrown at me. 

Recently, during my morning journaling, I wrote, “Lord, You are a God of great strength and power.  I have blindly closed my mind to that idea – putting You in a box – degrading Your honor and Your name.  I have not been faithful – I have not kept You first in my life.  I have wallowed in self pity and darkness; depression has consumed me at times.  I feel alone, wandering aimlessly with no place to go, no sense of belonging…like an Israelite wandering in the wilderness, fleeing from Egypt.  Transform me God…change my heart…change my desires.”

Like always, God has been faithful.  My heart began to soften, I found joy in simplicity, I discovered more blessings daily.  And then Romans 8:18 happened.  Back story: I have been studying the book of Acts…the past few days I have been reading on Saul’s conversion in Acts 9…Saul the “chief of sinners” radically transformed into a instrument in God’s plan.   Today’s study cross referenced to Romans 8:18, “Yet what we suffer now is NOTHING compared to the glory He will reveal to us later.”

LIGHT BULB MOMENT!  Oh my dear friends, I have been so focused on the current pain and hardships…I have lost the simple fact that through Christ and His grace, suffering is such a sweet gift.  Through suffering, we are made strong, we have the ability to empathize with others during their sufferings, and above all else, we are reminded that nothing in this life can fully satisfy us…only Christ.

During my morning walk, I started thanking God for His creation.  The sun was beaming through the clouds, a gentle breeze swept across my face, birds were chirping, flowers are sprouting from the ground, the air was crisp and refreshing…spring is near.  Spring…a season of new life, new beginnings, a season of hope!  I heard Christ’s gentle invitation, “Whitney, come back to Me.”  It was the holy whisper of my Lord inviting me to be satisfied in His great and indescribable love for me – His wandering beloved.

So, today I pray Psalm 63….

“O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek You; my soul thirsts for You, my body longs for You, in a dry and weary land where there is no water.  I have seen You in the sanctuary and beheld your power and your glory.  Because your love is BETTER THAN LIFE, my lips will glorify You.  I will praise You as long as I live, and in Your name I will lift up my hands.  My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods; with singing lips my mouth will praise You.” (Psalm 63:1-5)

            This illustration is the sacred romance that every one of us is created for.  It describes our purpose of existence.  God wants us to come to Him and say, “Oh God, You are so far above every detail of my life…every love of my life, every experience, every purpose and every goal.  YOU ARE MY LIFE.  Your love is BETTER THAN LIFE.  I utterly devote myself to You, and daily die to myself so that I may live for You.  Any trial, or struggle, or hardship that I may face, is a sweet sweet blessing, because You are teaching me, preparing me, and molding me.  I ask for Your will always.”

            In this current “season of hope,” I pray, not for these trials to end, but to endure.  I pray for God’s strength to cover me during these hardships, and I pray that He will use them so that I may help others and bring glory to the name of Christ.

Joyfully HIS,

Whit